Seasons Changing

"Seasons change, so do cities. People come into your life and people go,.." my favorite episode of Sex and The City. 


So... deep thoughts. 


The air is brisk, and although everyone is gushing that fall is here, and even I have that "back to school" feeling in  my bones, I know it will be scorching hot again in a couple weeks- always happens. 


        ANYWAYS,        CHANGE. 


People do grow up, and people do change. I know that I fundamentally have. truly, madly deeply. 


In the last two years I can document in my mind 3 traumatic social experiences, that utterly rocked my world, my soul, and my character. I think people normally have these experiences in college maybe. TOOK ME AWHILE.. I also think all of my "dramatics" in HS or College never really altered my being. Sad, but true. Patterns always repeated. Until I decide to change them. I really have weirdly become independent and spiritually minded. You put something into the universe and it normally materializes. AGREED?  


well, anyways, where in the world am I going with this? 
-I guess that all the sudden, fall is here, and I feel like I woke up and realized, where am I? (maybe it is because my husband fell asleep at 6:30pm tonight- LITERALLY. I mean, I always was an 80 year old at heart.. but now I am physically living the 80 year old life too? OY). 


It almost saddens me though. I have become so much harder, colder, less sensitive. Real life happens, and not every little detail matters anymore. Things that I used to truly feel as tragic or hurtful, roll of my shoulder.. is this what growing up is like, or is this a result of my person life experiences, maybe that is one in the same.  I sort of wish I could get the over-confident, stupidly comfortable, loud mouthed, never think twice before acting Sabrina back. Where did this calm, peaceful, antisocial, stable, non-dramatic, uninvolved person come from? It isn't new I have created and settled into this. Maybe I am so happy and simplistically minded in my marriage? The good thing is, I think you always have to check in and evaluate where you are, who you are, and what you want.. that is the only way to keep yourself and your relationships in check. The bad news is,... is the new me, the right me? 


Earlier today, I found myself talking to a friend, one who I consider one of my closest, and I brought something up that had sort of royally stung a couple weeks/months back. Now, I am not talking a comment at a lunch table, or not being invited on a Friday night- I am talking... like- you aren't in my wedding party,  or you aren't invited to our reunion girls weekend, or my boyfriend really doesn't like you and we can't see each other anymore... those kind of magnitude of things... and I found myself not saying what I wanted/needed or found important.. I just truly felt- WHO THE HECK CARES? just LET. IT. GO. 


HOW COME?




How did I come from polar opposite ends of the spectrum? from originally being the passionate never let it slide type, to the who cares- always let it go, life goes on girl? 
Do I now have to spend the next two years learning how to meet in the middle.. or do I just embrace the stages that I am in and go with it? THAT'S IT.. WHERE IS THE SELF HELP SECTION OF THE BOOK STORE? bah ha. 


Another friend told me yesterday (gchat at work is very effective) that she loves reading blogs because it feels like a diary.. well this is one hell of a diary entry, so MERRY CHRISTMAS... YOU HAVE THE KEY TO MINE PEOPLE! 




Hello fall... bring on the change of the season! Dreaming of the holiday season.. I love it all, it is weird how much I like Thanksgiving-Christmas.. but at the same time have such love for fourth of july and summer.. 


goal: to read more, my best friends boyfriend got her a nook (Barnes and Noble's version of the kindle) and she reads nonstop.. and if I am going to be such a hermit, then I may as well broaden my horizons on paper and read, read, read! Just because I am reading the 'Carrie Diaries' right now, doesn't mean I am not a genius. back off.